Standard Breakfast Conversation at Launch:

Me: This big bagel-cutting knife made me think of this video I watched this morning of a guy who invented a slingshot rifle that shoots machetes.

Kevin: What use would that be?

Me: Defending against the inevitable zombie invasion, probably. I’d want him on my side.

Kevin: That doesn’t sound very efficient. I mean, you could probably take out a small part of the horde, but what happens when the zombies got closer?

Me: Then you’d have a lot of machetes. Machetes are an excellent weapon against zombies.

Kevin: That’s true. Okay, he can be on our team. But I still think the best weapon would be a lightsaber. Zombies are no match for lightsabers.

Me: I don’t know. If you had zombies and lightsabers, you’re just asking for the creation of a bunch of Sith Lords. Fear of zombies is the path to the Dark Side.

Kevin: *snort*

Me: Fear of zombies leads to anger at zombies, and anger at zombies leads to hatred of zombies. Hate leads to everyone suffering because of the zombies.

Linda (who is getting married in July): See? This is why 3D people need to marry 3D people. So we can have these conversations without the other person sighing and going away.