X3. So painfullly bad, but I loved every minute of it. As someone on McAnally’s said, Ratner looks like he went to the George Lucas school of “replace plotline and meaningful dialogue with SFX,” and I agree. If you just let yourself laugh at the sheer ridiculousness, you’ll have a great time. Otherwise, you’ll probably be disappointed. Well, I don’t think anyone can truly be disappointed. The special effects were pretty awesome. Really, really, really, really awesome, in fact. Though I do feel slightly gypped that I didn’t get the “Snakes on a Plane” trailer. Also, the ads for The Omen remind me that Good Omens desperately needs to be made into a movie.

Anyway, MORAL OF THE STORY: JUST LET JOSS WRITE THE SCRIPT. Especially if you’re going to take your A-Plot from the X-Men comic he wrote! And speaking of borrowing elements, if you want to know why I couldn’t stop giggling whenever Juggernaut came onscreen, watch this video (NOTE: not appropriate for ANYONE).

I went with my parents and Marcelina. I should always see movies with Marcelina, even if our giggling one day gets us evicted from the theatre.

[Magneto is thwarted by the absence of any metal on the soldiers]
Marcelina: They need to have someone that controls plastic!
Me: That’s just what I was thinking! Plasteto!
Marcelina: Yes!
Me: And Dorito! TOASTITO!
Together: And she controls TOAST!

This is officially my mutant superpower. And Nightcrawler and I can merrily skip away into the sunset (since Little Miss “I won an Oscar” is too good to be shipped with him) and have our own movie. And lots of toast, grilled to perfection, with delicious strawberry jam. And then Sawyer on Lost suddenly begins manifesting mutant powers, his eyes turn black and red, and he starts carrying around a DHARMA-brand deck of cards. And he can be in our movie, too, because Scott and Jean are boring and Gambit, Nightcrawler, and Toastito are awesome.

Kitty can come, too. And Toad can be brought back to life from the first movie, because we love Ray Park. And Sir Ian is welcome to chill with us. I’ll make him delicious toast and he can make me exotic and unique jewelry. Then we can go get frosty chocolate milkshakes, manifested from nothingness by Sausaleto, the mutant that controls chocolate (named for “Sausalito”, the Nantucket-brand cookies with milk chocolate and macadamia nut), which makes him even more attractive to women than Wolverine. Because honestly, what’s sexier? Razor-sharp adamantium claws or an endless supply of chocolate? He can be played by the Willy Wonka of your preference, or Johnny Depp in “Chocolat.” Mmm, I know who I’d choose.

Wow, I love how this review includes 2% actual commentary on the film and 98% me making bad puns, fangirling, and drooling over chocolate. Rather like my Lost season finale post. Frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way! :D