Billy: We disappear in the film for fifty minutes.

Dom: And that is probably some of the darkest piece of cinema, that you’ll see in those 50 minutes.

Billy: I think it’s actually a storytelling device. That it makes people get sadder and sadder.

Dom: Just long for Pippin and Merry.

Billy: Yeah, they’re thinking, “I’m missing something here. I don’t know what I’m missing.”

Dom: “There’s a piece of my life, a shard of my heart, has been torn out.”

Billy: “I don’t know what it is!”

Dom: “I don’t understand what it is.”

Billy: And then, there’s the two little buggers up a tree!

Dom: Ah!

Billy: Ahh, that’s better, eh?

Dom: Like a new sunrise!

Billy: Ah, it’s beautiful. Like someone’s just given you a cake.

Dom: Yeah. Or candyfloss. Or cotton candy, as you might say in America.

Billy: Mmm, cotton candy. Or a big bag of popcorn!

Dom: Or pumpernickel!

Billy: Ahh, pumpernickel. Rocky road.

Dom: Baby Ruths. You just get sudden chocolate bars then.

Billy: Mmm.

Dom: I look like my brother there.

Billy: Yeah.

Dom: I think maybe “The Two Towers” should have been called “The Adventures of Merry and Pippin.”

Billy: We shall rename it. Because I think we spoke about… I lost my train of thought. Say something for a minute.

Dom: I really like eggs in the morning. And bacon at night. Is that wrong?

Billy: No! Carry on, carry on!

Dom: When I was seven, I used to eat ants.

Billy: Got it! We were talking about… em… lost again.

(They laugh)

Billy: It’s quite incredible, isn’t it?

Dom: It was probably a lie, Billy.

*SO MUCH LOVE*

And I love how they provide commentary on each of the actors as the credits roll. It’s so MST3K!

Dom: Viggo Mortensen!

Billy: Mad as a fish.

Dom: Smells a little bit.

So much better than the Elijah/Sean/Andy commentary, which has a lot of bickering and talking over one another, and the Orlando Bloom, which is essentially just fanboying of his fellow actors. OR1337!!1! (Though John Rhys-Davies and Christopher Lee and Sir Ian rock my socks.)

Yeah, Dom and Billy. *happysigh* Stream of consciousness. So hilarious. And if you find someone in the world with a cuter accent than Billy, I will eat my laptop. (Yes, I still love you, Alan Cumming. But Billy never did “Spy Kids” or “The Mask II.” Shame, Alan. Shame.)

Meanwhile, today’s Bad and Wrong Yet Absolutely Hilarious award goes to PointlessWasteofTime.com for these two articles. Please don’t visit these links, Mom and Dad. (I need to set up a “No Children Named Emmy” system like Sam. That would be helpful.)