writings
Dischord of the Rings
by Priscilla Spencer

Listen, my friends, and I'll tell you the tale
Of hobbits and health spas and one naked male.
Bright was the afternoon, happy the day
as Mom and I studied in sunny Santa Fe.
After days of work, our stress to assuage,
We went to a health spa to get a massage.

Our appointment times differed by half of an hour;
I planned to use the hot tub and then take a shower.
But relaxation? Ha! My plans, they were thwarted,
Tranquility smashed and my calmness aborted.
For after the massage, a soothing backrub,
I followed the signs to the Women's Hot Tub.

The tub, it was empty, so (self-conciousness away)
I entered the tub in the suit called "birthday."
For at this spa, that is their wont.
Unfortunately, for me, that would come back to haunt.
I sat there, relaxing, but soon I grew bored,
So I picked up "The Hobbit" and amusement was restored.

A few pages later, the trouble began.
Someone else joined the tub: to my horror, a man.
I was sure of that fact. Over the top of page 80
I'd seen something that did not belong to a lady.
No idea what to do, my mind, it was flailing.
If my clothes were closer, I'd surely be bailing.

In the tub I would stay, for I had protection there:
Refractive bubbling water and my very long hair.
Speechless, I wondered what steps I could take
To make this intruder realize his mistake.
After what seemed like years, I finally made my choice,
Said "You do know this is the women's tub..." in a hesitant voice.

"It is?" he inquired, with a casual air.
At this reaction, I wanted to rip out my hair.
How blind could he be, to not see the signs?
There were three on the path with very clear designs.
I wanted to scream and kick, yell, and shout
When the man showed no indication of getting out.

Ten more minutes of agony passed.
I realized helplessly that I'd never last.
I made my decision, and with a heavy sigh
I ran -- just Tolkien 'tween me and his eye.
I threw on my robe! And I've never forgotten
The relief that can come with 100% cotton.


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