Luke: I know you find him [Kyp] annoying...
Corran: Annoying? Either I'm covering my feelings, or you're being kind. If I had any talent for telekenesis at all, I'd have strangled him with his own cloak.
Mara: Corran!
Corran: Sorry, I suppose that would have been out of character for me--
Mara: Out of character to be so obvious. You need to be more subtle. Locate a partially blocked artery in his brain, then just pinch it off. Bang, he's down and it's over.
Corran: Now I'm really sorry I don't have TK.

Wedge: Are you sure this is wise?
Corran: Of course not, but I don't think I've got much choice. I've left enough blood on Bimmel that the Vong have easily got samples. I'm betting that thing there is keyed to open when it gets another taste of me.
Wedge: Wouldn't bleeding into a cup and offering that make more sense?
Corran: Um, sure, in a non-Corellian sort of way.

Fey'lya: So then, the Jedi claim the right to determine Ithor's fate.
Corran: He's right, Master, the Jedi can't be caught in that trap. I quit being a Jedi, too.
Luke: You can't.
Corran: Okay, fire me. Um, there are parts of the Jedi Code I don't buy into, and these robes chafe. There's insubordination for you. Ditch me.

Whis is it you always get formal when you're about to do something stupid?

I remember the first time you put your arm across my shoulders. Course you were also poking your blaster into the side of my head.

Ben: Good morning!
Luke: What do you mean, 'good morning'? Do you mean that it is a good morning for you, or do you wish me a good morning, although it is obvious I'm not having one, or do you find that mornings in general are good?

Karrde and his people, like the good smugglers they were, had turned up their noses at all nonalcoholic drinks in general.

Yoda: Only two there are, a master and an apprentice. No more, no less. Two is the number of Sith lords, and the number of Sith Lords is two. Four Sith Lords, there are none, neither one Sith Lord. Five is right out. The count of Sith Lords is two, being the second number, the sum of the total of Sith Lords available, being the number two.

I suppose you're entitled to your own delusions.

Luke: Any ideas besides running for it?
Han: I think running for it sounds like a good idea.

Luke: You're not afraid of heights, are you?
Karrde: It's the falling from them that scares me.

Han: Wedge, take a look back at Filve and tell me if I'm seeing things.
Wedge: You mean like the whole Imperial force breaking off their attack and coming after for us?
Han: Yeah. That.

Don't think, Fingal. You're not propperly equipped for it.

Leia: I think we owe you a lot more than just one.
Mara: Remember that when I kill your brother.

Han: You two work so well together.
Luke: Actually, we do. You should have seen us abouard the Chimaera when we went in to rescue Karrde. She's a good person to have at your side.
Han: Except when she want to slide a knife in it.

Lando: You don't expect the natives to be hospitable?
Mara: I expect them to greet us with open crossbows.

Oh, and if you see some short guys with camouflage suits and lots of teeth, don't shoot. They're on our side.

She was short, she was furry, she was loud, and she was determined to sell him a melon.

Karrde: What did it take to lure you away from the carefree life of an independent trader?
Han: Leia.
Karrde: Exactly. Now, if she had a sister--I don't suppose she does?
Han: Not that I know of. Though with the Skywalker family you never know.

Shada: Being bitter about it won't help.
Karoly: So what will? At least being biter proves you're not dead yet.

You can't throw me out; I quit!

Wedge: Second rule of defense is to shoot first and ask questions later.
Leia: What's the first rule? Wedge: Be somewhere else when the shooting starts.

Okay, Goldie. My name is Man with a Blaster About to Cook You. Either you open the door or your busy Bothan is going to have to get himself a new receptionist.

I'm slime. Most of my friends are slime. And when you've been around slime as much as I have, you learn to spot it at a distance.

And I suppose mating rituals are much simpler where you come from. When you love a woman, you probably just bite her on the neck and drag her to your tree. But we handle things differently where I come from. We make our women nice dinners, we compliment them, treat them like ladies. ((Chewie laughs)) So we shoot them and drag them into our spaceships.

Never let a man become so deluded as to believe that he is the intellectual equal of a woman. It only leads to evil.

Great. I win a planet in a card game, and to top it all off, I'm allergic to it.

So the prince of Hapes thinks that the king of Corellia is an abrasive oaf, and the king of Corellia thinkg that the prince of Hapes is slime. I can see that you two won't be forming a mutual admiration society anytime soon.

Han: And you can never find a ship that's more durable.
Isolder: More overweight and clunky, you mean.
Han: Same thing.

Han: Did you know that he is really a genius? He can curse fluently in nearly 60 languages. Now I have heard some obscenities in my time, but this man has a special talent.
Isolder: You know he's going to put your head on a platter, don't you? And considering Zsinj's reputation, he might even eat it.
Han: Yeah, well it keeps life interesting.

OK men, we're looking for two guys in really old dressing gowns, a kid, an R2 unit and a girl wearing more clothes than five people usually do!

It's heading for that small moon.
A moon? Is that all? Let's turn around, I'm missing the X-Files.

The Death Star was a fraternity prank. It actually shoots out highly condensed "Easy Cheese"

VADER: No Disintegrations!
BOBA FETT: Screw this!

EMPEROR: You know, now that I think about it, Vader makes a far better Sith Lord than you ever will, Luke.

You want me to shut off my targeting computer and shoot with my eyes shut? I don't think so Ben!

Threepio: Artoo suggests that if you remove the bolt, he might be able to play back the entire recording. Luke: Do I look that stupid?

What if Leia had gotten out and "pushed"?

Sure I'll come smuggle with you, Han. These Rebels are losers anyway.

Luke: What a piece of junk. Thats it I want my money back. Lets get out of here Ben.

Emperor: Strike me down, with all your hatred!
Luke: OK!

Ben: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
Darth: Really?, Well then, I guess I'm just going to let you live...In the detention block AA-23, GUARDS!!!!!!

Obi-Wan: Still, even a duck has to be taught to swim.
Luke: What's a duck?

They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally they became heroes.

It's only stupid if we die doing it. Otherwise it's heroism.

Leia: I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie!
Han: I can arrange that.

Threepio: Don't try to blame me. I didn't ask you to turn on the thermal heater. I merely commented that it was freezing in the princess's chamber...But it's supposed to be freezing! How are we going to dry out all her clothes? I really don't know.
Artoo beeps
Threepio: Oh, switch off.

Leia: I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brain.

Leia: I hope you know what you're doing.
Han: I do too.

Threepio: Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is aproximately 3720 to 1!
Han: Never tell me the odds!

Threepio: Oh, this is suicide!

Han: Don't get excited.
Leia: Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited.
Han: Sorry, sweetheart. We haven't got time for anything else.

Yoda: I am wondering. Why are you here?
Luke: I'm looking for someone.
Yoda: Looking? Found someone, you have, I would say, hmm?

Yoda: How you get so big, eating food of this kind?

Yoda: Your weapons...you will not need them. ::Luke puts on belt::
Me: And he puts them on anyway...
Mom: It's a guy thing.

Threepio: Sir, if I may venture an opinion...
Han: I'm not interested in your opinion, Threepio.

Threepio: Captain Solo, this time you have gone too far...No, I will not be quiet, Chewbacca. Why doesn't anyone listen to me?...I really don't see how that is going to help. Surrender is a perfectly acceptable alternative in extreme circumstances. The Empire may be gracious enough--
::Leia shuts him off::
Han: Thank you.

Leia: You do have your moments. Not many, but you do have them.

::Thing blasts Threepio::
Me: ::in Jar Jar voice:: How rude.

Han: Stop, Chewie! Stop! Do you hear me? Stop!
Threepio: Yes! Stop! Please, I'm not ready to die!

Well don't blame me. I'm only an interpreter. I'm not supposed to know the difference between an electric socket and a computer terminal.

I'm standing here in pieces, and you're having delusions of grandeur!

This site is a must-see, as it is "inspired" by our very own www.starwars.com! Nice work Weird Al! We're happy to see they even have our font down pat (since we care so much about fonts here at www.starwars.com....)!

HA! I can beat you! I have HAIR!

Woman looking after man, is normal. Woman looking after woman...I can understand that. Woman looking after film? Not normal.

Dressing up for handsome man is good, but dressing up for film is not normal!

::Leia kisses Luke:: Everyone: INCEST!!!!!

Max: Why are they burning the Jawas?
Me: I don't know.
Max: [Jawa] Please! No! I'm aliveeeee!!!

And how are they going to explain why Palpatine went bad? Or why the citizens of Naboo would vote for a 14 year old? Episode Zero?

::Luke talks with food in his mouth::
Me: Didn't his mommy tell him to chew with his mouth closed? Oh yeah. He didn't have a mommy.

Fie! Fie upon you and all you stand for! Except Star Wars. I don't fie Star Wars. As for now, Star Wars is completely un-fied.

Excuse me...you do not have the Jar Jar.

Strike out of anger, Luke! That's a way to not succumb to the Dark Side.

Leia is the überwoman.

It's so comforting to know that fully-trained Jedi knights can't resist a simple Dorito.

Sebulba is so cute!

And now everyone's favorite Star Trek character...R2D2!!!

Ok, I'm dead. Now give me the lightsaber.

So Han Solo is basically a high-ranking housewife?

This is the Star Wars of Charlie Brown!

You dance like a Jedi!

The thing to keep in mind with these "Star Wars" fans is that they're just ordinary people, mostly. Sure, they like to dress up in costumes. And wave plastic lightsabers. And give standing ovations to the LUCASFILM logo. And sleep on sidewalks for tickets. But other than that, they really are just like you and me...only insane.

EG-9: A Republic cruiser! That's trouble...don't you think?
PK-4: I'm not made to think.

WHAT? Monsters out there, leakin' in here. All sink'n and no power! WHEN YOUSA THINKIN WESA IN TROUBLE???

R2-D2 originally was supposed to talk, but he swore like a sailor and was beeped out. Gotta love that dirty mouthed droid!

Morph Boy: Right now, i'm eating a SW ice-cream!! YAY! It's the shape of a Battle Droid.. The flavor is natural lime something something and it's great! I didn't know Battle Droids tasted like that..
Keith: I can imagine it now....Anakin stops, jumps out the plane, and tries to eat a Battle Droid. "WAIT A MINUTE! YOU'RE NOT LIME GREEN!"

Hey! That kid has a Star Wars t-shirt! Not that I notice things like that.

Bye, bye Mr. Anakin pie,
Drove my chevy to the levy but it was being used by another Jedi,
And 'em good old boys were using lightsabers to poke out their eyes
Singin' this'll be the way that I die,
This'll be the way that I die.

Obi Wan: Do you sense something?
Qui-Gon: Why? Do you sense something?
Obi Wan: Yup. I sense something.
Qui-Gon: That's strange. I don't sense anything at all.
Obi Wan: Something...elusive.
Qui-Gon: Keep your mind in the present, Obi Wan.
Obi Wan: But Yoda said that I should pay attention to the future!
Qui-Gon: Well Yoda and I disagree about a lot of things.
Obi Wan: Yeah, you do. Especially on that "let's train the guy that grows up to be Darth Vader!" bit.
Qui-Gon: They weren't supposed to know that yet.
Obi Wan: Sure. That's why they practically market that fact.
Qui-Gon: Shut up, Kenobi.
Obi Wan: Yes, Master.

Finally DARTH MAUL shows up for a prolonged fight sequence. Darth wears black boots, a black cloak, a black shirt, has a red lightsaber, wears red and black face paint, and has horns. He is EVIL.
Meanwhile, the Naboo people go after this one insignificant guy and we really don't care.
Meanwhile, the Gungans go against a bunch of droids and we really don't care except we want the Gungans to die.
Meanwhile, Anakin takes off into space to join the space-battle, which is mostly over by the time he arrives. We care a little bit.

INT. SOME KIND OF THINGY WITH SOME RED FORCE FIELDS
MAUL, LIAM, and EWAN all have a huge lightsaber battle which has had a lot of effort put into the choreography and is thousands of times better than any other lightsaber battle in a Star Wars film.
AUDIENCE: Whoa! This is really cool!
Suddenly, we go back to one of the other three stupid battles going on at the time. Eventually, we return to the good one.
DARTH MAUL: (menacing as hell) Grrr.
Eventually, MAUL stabs LIAM, which is very surprising, especially to those of us who bought the film score which has a song whose title gives away the ending.

They exit quickly. The ship explodes, which stops all the droids and just makes everything great, because it's always enjoyable when a serious conflict is resolved with a slapstick accident.

EXT. THE STREETS OF NABOO
The Gungans are dancing and such, still alive. A huge party ensues.
AUDIENCE: Wow! Watching this party and all this celebration has convinced me that the tiny, pathetic problem that has been taken care of is actually really significant! Hooray!
Suddenly, the AUDIENCE realizes that behind all the mindless celebration and kiddie cartoon bullsh*t, what actually happened was the future-emperor has actually manipulated everything, come into great power, and that one tiny problem has actually been resolved, but thousands more have been created.
GEORGE LUCAS: Three years, suckers. I'd make them come out sooner, but I work very hard on my films, as I am an independent filmmaker due to my disgust with Hollywood's commercialism. Now go buy some Star Wars toys!

Sir, it's quite possible that this asteroid is not entirely stable.

Han: We don't have time to discuss this in a committee!
Leia: I am NOT a committee!

Luke: What's in there?
Yoda: Only what you take with you.

No! Try not! Do. Or do not. There is no "try".

Luke: I don't believe it!
Yoda: That is why you fail.

Leia: I don't trust Lando!
Han: I don't trust him either. He is my friend.

Lando: Having trouble with your droid? ::looks at the dismembered form of Threepio::
Han: No! No trouble. Why?

Stormtroopers? Here? I must tell the others! Oh no! I've been shot!

You certainly have a way with people.

Just open the door, you stupid lug! ::the door opens:: I never doubted you for a second! Wonderful!

I'm terribly sorry about all this. After all, he's only a wookie!

Artoo: ::beeps::
Threepio: Oh course I've looked better!

R2-D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer.

Stormtrooper: Excuse me, Your Royal Highhandedness, but we’ve received a very fragmentary report from one of out Probe Draidles in the Zoth system! It’s such a slim lead that I hesitate to mention it...
Darth Zader: That’s it! That’s EXACTLY where Lube Skywalker and the Princess and the rebels ARE!
Stormtrooper: But out of ten million places to hide in the universe, why THERE?
Darth Zader: Why NOT . . .?!?
Stormtrooper: Good Lord, your Imperial Logic is overwhelming! We shall attack Zoth at once!

Han Solo: I think my eyes are getting better. Instead of a big dark blur, I see a big light blur.
Luke: There's nothing to see. I used to live here, you know.
Han Solo: You're gonna die here, you know. Convenient.
Luke: Just stick close to Chewie and Lando. I've taken care of everything.
Han Solo: Oh...great.

C-3PO: Victims of the almighty Sarlacc: His Excellency hopes that you will die honorably. But should any of you wish to beg for mercy, the great Jabba the Hutt will now listen to your pleas.
Han Solo: Threepio, you can tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden filth that he'll get no such pleasure from us!

You tell that slimy pile of fly-strewn dung that none of my friends will beg for mercy! As for ME...you tell that loveable old Santa Claus that I’m...

Yoda: That face you make. Look I so old to young eyes?
Luke: No...of course not.
Yoda: I do, yes, I do! Sick have I become. Old and weak. When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not.

Luke: Do you understand anything they're saying?
C-3PO: Oh, yes, Master Luke! Remember that I am fluent in over six million forms of communication.
Han: What are you telling them?
C-3PO: Hello, I think...I could be mistaken. They're using a very primitive dialect. But I do believe they think I am some sort of god.
Han: Then why don't you use your divine influence and get us out of this?
C-3PO: I beg your pardon, General Solo, be that just wouldn't be proper.
Han: Proper?!
C-3PO: It's against my programming to impersonate a deity.

Emily: Are you okay?
Jenny: She dressed as Princess Leia for a dress day! What do you think?
Me: Actually, my hair is just Princess Leia. The shirt and pants are Luke Skywalker, the robe is Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Luke Skywalker, and any other Jedi that happens to be around, and the lightsaber is Darth Maul.
Jenny: I think that answers your question.

I'm pretending that I don't know you, and I know you're doing the same.

Blast it, my lightsaber just changed color again! I knew I shouldn't have used a thermal detonator for the focusing gem.

Han Solo: How are we doing?
Luke: Same as always.
Han Solo: That bad, eh?

YOU DON'T LIKE STAR WARS?????

Oh, and in case you cared, the premiere of Star Wars is in 72 days.