Nice to know the ultimate battle between good and evil will be fought with missile-launchers!

Oh yeah, the girl from the park! Didn't recognize you conscious, upright, and unmangled.

The evil is here! Ask the pope in the woods. The bars hold us to the place! The clock drags us to the time! I see them! This is their grave, your grave! The tendrils of burnt flesh ensnares the feeble willed! I like pistachio ice cream. There is evil here! I see them, can't you? Maybe your eyeballs are in the way! Pluck, pluck...

What I am thankful for is pure and unalienable. It is a right for which I have nothing but gratitude. The right to shoot all telemarketers on site!

You plan to use the dead in military actions by having them assault the enemy with gut-wrenching puns? This is even more insidious than I thought!

For tonight's wine, might I suggest a bottle of whiskey and a small handgun?

Thank you, one and all! I love my fans. If you all weren't drooling perverted insensitive clods, I'd be out of a job!

I don't, but I care about him caring about me! I need attention from someone I don't care about to keep caring about those who don't care about me!

I don't know what scares me more, the thought of actually having an affair with Val, or the fact that I derive my morals from tabloid talkshows.

I'm sorry I missed my deadlines, but please give me another chance! I was stressed out for a little while, but I'm ok now. Could you hold on a minute? My secretary just exploded." *click* "Hello? Hello? I should really stop being so honest with clients.

Living next to a violent carnivorous alien can have its advantages.

You're right, I should have called in sick. I'm still a bit under the weather, but I just wanted to drop by for a minute to dangle you off the observatory and murder your son!

We can't condone your violent motives so we'll have to force ourselves to forget they exist!

My world is a crotch!

It's tough to run with both feet stuck in your mouth

Nopers! I'm going to do my best to distortify the English languagism thingies!

Well, my work here is done. If you need me again, just admit to yourself that you're screwed and die.

'And lo, the Huns and other Germanic tribes did drape evergreens with the intestines of their slain enemies to ward their encampment against intruders.' And that, Torg, is where garland on Christmas trees comes from... It's true! I read it on the internet!

And the celebration has gone off without trouble. As we head into the new millenium, we'd like to applaud the winner of our voter's choice award for the greatest movie of the entire millenium: 'Pokemon: The First Movie'. There is still time to vote for the most influential person of the millenium. The contenders are: Britney Spears, Nostradamus, Will Smith, Michaelangelo (the turtle), and Pikachu! We now present to you the ultimate rock anthem which has stood the test of time, Kid Rock's 'Bawitadaba!'

I didn't expect her to counter my plan with nakedness!

Oasis's wedding is ruined, knives are flying, Gwynn's pupils have omminously vanished and she's having clothes-issues. There are just so many reasons to run for my life, I"m having trouble settling on just one!

A dynamic character with an ability to survive certain death, and a questionable death scene leaving no corpse? Face it, we'll never see her again!

Bob, here, got a unique Bazooka-Joe comic with his gum. A printing error caused the words of the comic to blur into the exact wording of runes of evil power. When he read the comic out loud (because he didn't get it), poof! I possessed him.

Hello. Welcome to Bun-Bun's Theatre of Whores. Oh, wait. I misread this. It says theater of 'horrors', not 'whores.' OK, so this story just got 400% less interesting.

I'm Mrs. Glee, but you can call me 'plot device to determine setting.'

That night he came to our door. I was face to face with the devil himself. It was as if the shadows themselves rushed to his side and clinged to him like drunk bimbos at one of those new-fangled heavy metal concerts! Damn devil-music!

A grown man punting a kitten who was looking the other way... It was the bravest thing I've ever seen.

I hate alternate timelines. They make for messy bookkeeping.

I felt a great disturbance in the force. As if a significant plotline suddenly cried out in terror... and was suddenly silenced.

See these two kielbasas I'm cooking? Let's say they represent a politician's experience. Most people think the longer the better, but some say it doesn't matter as long as you can maintain an election.

How non-cliché that the one guy who can explain what happened is delusional and holding a bomb.

Yay! Squidshydodo saved Christmas! Um... except for the fact that by blowing up Santa's workshop, and Santa in the process, you kind of ruined Christmas.

Before you kick my butt for unloading my problems on you, just keep in mind that I am an overworked pseudo-postal-worker.

I just kissed a girl named ...something...

Did you just see a drunken rabbit hop by with my bottle of 151-rum?

Not that that's a bad thing! I was just curious! I admire impatience. It's... um... neat-o!

Your fighting style smells of gorgonzola!

The robot is fully armored in heat-treated, triple-folded titanium. It can resist high-powered artillery blasts or a point-blank Senate ethics committee hearing.

So if you step out of line I'm supposed to get midlevel on your asps.

EEEEK! A rodent in the kitchen! How 'third world'!

Ow! Ow! Ow! I was playing the world's smallest violin for you and dropped the darn thing down my ear.

'Hey, our friend is in a coma, let's freak him out if-and-when he comes to!' What's wrong with you people?

She's actually kind of fun company when she's not playing jump rope with my catheter

No one's ever come back from trying. Take the path lined with mummified lifeless husks.

Torg, sometimes a cigar is a cigar and a pink slip is ladies underwear.

No Mom, I'm not at some 'rabe' tripping on 'etcetera'!